Communication and Connection

Healthy communication leads to a clear and stable connection.

Making Sure We Are All On The Same Page

People use words that come from our learned languages. During the process, the words may conflict with what we really want to say. Meanings are abstract and language is an attempt to represent that meaning, transmitting the thoughts in our minds using spoken and written words.

What happens too often is that our words cannot match our minds and we end up sending the wrong signals. After all, no one is a perfect decoder of thought and coder of language. Even those of us with strong language skills will struggle with expressing our hearts and minds. In fact, there are those with advanced vocabularies and sophisticated discourse patterns drawn from a rich and diverse education who still find communicating to be challenging. Sometimes advanced language skills might make communication even harder that it should be.

Now imagine that instead of 1 person busily decoding and coding meaning and transmitting messages, there are 2 people doing this same process at the same time. We call it conversation and it’s a complex process that we take for granted. When messages are flying back and forth between people, in the static there is a huge amount of signal to noise ratio.

In healthy and productive communication, the participants are able to establish a clear and stable connection.

Static is reduced, noise is suppressed, and positively, the meanings of all the speakers find the proper framework to effectively carry thought via language. When people find the right way to communicate, everything meshes, and it all comes together. This skill can be practiced but we do not always know that it is a skill since the best communication comes naturally to us, as in talking to family and friends with whom we have a good relationship.

It is precisely the ineffable quality of the ease with which we communicate with loved ones that makes it hard to see or know the inner workings of such healthy communication. All we know is that we like someone and it’s easy to talk with them, and it’s easy to talk with them because we like them.

The secret ingredient is love and joy.

It can be viewed as secret because we often do not know when it is happening, since it comes so naturally and unrehearsed. Good communication works well for the people involved because the meanings are successfully transmitted. This success reinforces the feelings of ease and comfort that in turn engenders more love and joy.

However, there are some serious problems that arise in communication, and those problems may not always be a secret! Usually when we are having a problem with someone, it is obvious. People feel uncomfortable, they feel frustrated, get angry, nervous, disappointed… and the communicators end up not enjoying the process, and not communicating well.

We may not always know why there are these failures of communication, but our senses will deliver such negative feedback that we will definitely be aware that there is a problem. So, the key is, how can we find out the how and why of our communication difficulties?

We need to understand more about how we are using language, and even physical movements and actions, that are not connecting, and are actively prohibiting such a connection. We may see the what but we lack the understanding of the underlying reasons.

A meta analysis of the situation and process is one of the important strategies we can employ to change our communication into a real connection.

The tactics involved in creating better conditions for good communication include:

• confirmation of subject matter (Are we talking about the same thing?)
• setting goals (Why are we talking about this?)
• understanding what constitutes success (Have we understood each other?)

In order to effectively communicate and establish a good connection, the people who are exchanging ideas using words must be on the same page. We have to know what we know, and we should also find out what we don’t know.

Avoiding the problems in communication that can lead to anxiety driven discomfort are a top priority for people seeking success and fulfilment.

Let’s get you on track and tuned to the same frequency as everyone else.